Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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