i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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