We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
even my farts smell like vagina
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
