I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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