i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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