I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
