Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
