we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
