You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
