I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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