Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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