then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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