You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
