Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
