he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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