Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize