Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
