Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
