i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
