So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
