we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
