I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
