Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
