I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
