I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize