i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
