I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
everyone is single if you try hard enough
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
