just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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