its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
