I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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