did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
