Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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