So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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