i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize