u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
