Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
