So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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