Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
