He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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