Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
not ubering you a puppy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
