I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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