I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Screwed.edu
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
