woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
