i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
