Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
