why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
