You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
