i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
