I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
