is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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