u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Randomize
