Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
