i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
