You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
