I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
