What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
