I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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