It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
