Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
