its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
