tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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