My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize