it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
