Your face is a jimmy john
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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