..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
