either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
