she woke up with a sticky ear
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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