My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
