just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
