Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize